Crazy life? Embrace the Crazy!

Embrace the Crazy

Will You Still Drink Coffee if the Cup is No Longer Red?

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“We reserve the right to refuse service to anyone.”  Have you ever seen this sign as you enter a place of business?  How does it make you feel?

Do you reserve the right to act different with one person from another?

Coffee tastes the same no matter what the cup looks like on the outside.  So why do we change who we are depending on the company surrounding us?

Coffee tastes the same no matter what the cup looks like on the outside.  So why do we change who we are depending on the company surrounding us?

Some may call my love of coffee and the “coffeehouse” environment over-the-top.  Coffee to me is community. Nothing brings people together on a cold snowy day like a cup of hot coffee, tea, or hot chocolate.  It is a warmth like the sun.

The red cup and Starbucks are just my current relatable moment because it offers solace and reprieve from the walls that tend to start closing in on me in our apartment.  This season is “cozy”.  It is not always warm.  The sounds of chatter, laughter, steaming milk from the expresso machine, and lull of voices are soothing.  They inspire me.

In the house-that-will-be I strive to mimic the coffeehouse vibe.  The open door to community.  The comforting cup of coffee (or tea) on cold day.  The lull of voices that come together to have those “save-the-world” conversations we talked about yesterday.  Do I need the house to do it? Do I have to wait?

Community is constant.  Or at least it should be a constant way of life. We are not built to do life alone. It is why we talk about finding our “tribe”.   Changing the culture of exclusionary bands of humans takes a series of intentional, sometimes small, moments of love.  It could begin by buying the guy who complains in line a cup of coffee.  Returning a frown with a smile.  Assuming the best instead of the worst.

Living your life like the warm cup of coffee that tastes the same no matter what the cup looks like from year to year.  The vessel may change but the message is the same.  Love.

How?

Do I love all except those I have refused access? I have a right.  Those kind of people, that sex, that “type” has hurt me in the past.  Love anyone but them.

Love has no BUT.

Offense has a very large BUT.

Why do we carry offense based on assumptions?
Our own life experiences – good and bad, create a filter. Filters can lead to assumptions.

Assumptions lead to offense.

A few days ago, I posted about how we operate at Embrace the Crazy: against judgement, assumption, comparisons–all of them. We are not perfect … it is very difficult not to let assumptions creep in our thoughts and manifest in our decisions. It is a daily decision to ask the questions, choose to believe the good, and build opinions on fact not emotions
Whew I’m already tired.
So how does this translate to my thankfulness journey?
It is a choice. Some days I succeed better than others.

Loving those that are hard to love or that have hurt us, does not translate to full access. Boundaries are important.  Choosing to not reply to that snarky post, not to air a bad situation in open or simply smiling back is a conscious decision.  Sometimes it is second by second.  Life is like the melting pot of a coffeehouse packed out with a myriad of people.  Working groups, couples, first dates, friends, families….

Do you scowl at the couple on the first date because you just ended a relationship? Or do you send over a cup of hot coco to share?

We have choices as we move through the day to love.  Small moments that we can control.  Big moments will happen in the world.  They will seemingly overshadow the small moments of love.  Until they are outnumbered.

I am thankful for the days when the small moments of love are too numerous to remember anything else.

What moments are you thankful for today?

Are you thankful for the Red, White, and Blue?

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I have several friends who’s husbands are deployed. Unimaginable.  Today we set aside a specific day to recognize those who volunteer their lives to save ours.  “Thank you” seems so insufficient for the struggle, time, training, and dedication required to serve in our armed forces.

"Thank you" seems so insufficient for the struggle, time, training, and dedication required to serve in our armed forces.

THANK YOU!

For those times we didn’t say thank you

For the times we take you for granted

For those of us that can not totally understand

For those that choose not to understand

For those moments you say “why”

We stand in the gap for the spouses, parents, siblings, friends, and children that call you “Hero” for so many other reasons than just your acts in combat or aside your fellow solider in peacetime.

Thank you.

We Can Save the World with a Cup of Coffee

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Have you ever had those “we can save the world if they just listen to us” conversations with your friends?

In my 20s it was after work in the bar.  Lots of talk, but not usually much action.  Until one day we either remembered the next day or decided enough talk more action.  The next day I walked in to my bosses office and ask a simple question.

“What can I do over the next five years to advance in this company”.

Enough talk. I wanted a plan.

Now I had built a solid professional relationship with this boss. It was a fair conversation and well received. The answer took me by surprise.

Nothing. Just sit in your chair and do your job.

What?  With a respectful nod, I responded to him with kindness.  “I am looking for more.  I just want to let you know I will be putting out my resume. I will be gone in one year. Thank you  for your honesty. ”

This is a man I respected, worked long hours to accommodate deadlines, and admired his family oriented spirit.  The decision, the culture, the process was not up for debate.

I love discussion time. The intellectual back-and-forth exchange of ideas and information has always appealed to me.  But how does that work when great discussion leads to decisions in which we disagree?

In working with teams of people,  often I give the discussion vs. decision speech.  They are two very different things. For a while now there has been much discussion but the decision was already made so it was out of turn.  Out of turn discussion is simply opinion.  You know what “they” say about opinions.

I didn’t discuss with my boss the ridiculous of “time in” vs. mentoring and career track plans.  The decision was established long before I had walked through that door.  It was not my battle to fight.  I had a choice.  Stay and hope that in 5 years my time in meant something or go and take action to move.

Silence, reverence, and lack of discussion is sometimes the greatest superpower we have in seasons in which decisions do not go our way.

Earlier this week, we posted on how we here at ETC do not condone judgement, assumptions, or comparisons.  They are opinions. Discussions out of season.  They are hurtful and serve no purpose except to make ourselves feel better. It usually has the opposite effect.

My mentor once looked at the team and said, “It is decision time.  Get behind it or there is the door. ”  We choose to get on board (or leave). We need unity in decision time.

Leaving that company turned out to be the best personal and professional decision. It did not required a long discussion on the wrongs of a company culture.  It did require a decision on my part.

Late night “save the world” discussions have melted away to lengthy coffee dates to save the world in a different way.  Now three hours can pass with coffee, kids playing, and building relationships and I see the purpose of “saving the world” in a different light.

Love comes by building one relationship at a time. My new battlefield is the coffeehouse.  The Red Cup Season for me is relief in a rainy, grey climate.  Cozy warmth when you think you will never see the sun again.  Or hugging  (getting hugs) a friend in a difficult season.

I choose to be thankful to have these wonderful conversations with friends. We do not always see eye to eye. We may differ on how to save the world.  Love is always the answer.

The Red Cup controversy with Starbucks is a perfect analogy.  I have had people ask if I will stop going there without my red cup.  It was the sign of a season. It was a happy light to the grey Seattle that parks itself  in November.

Discussion time is over. I do not need to email or call or tweet, lamenting that my red cup is gone.  It is the recognition that the foundation is still good.  The vessel serves its’ purpose.  Starbucks spends an amazing amount of energy talking about what the cup will be each year. But the decision is done.

Decision time can take on many forms in our daily lives. It will look different as we each choose how we take our thankfulness journey.  My desire is that we all “get on board” the journey to find thankfulness in those that live with us, around us, and under our leadership.

Last year, during the height of red cup discussion time, we were in and out of hospital and doctor’s offices.   I did not wish for opinions.  We sought  information and viable facts. We are thankful for those that are skilled to provide it.  We had a long road but we are out of it today because we have found our journey has brought us knowledgeable and skilled medical professionals.  We can move forward.

There will always be hours of “save the world” conversations.  It is my favorite part of girl-time with my friends.  What in your life is like the red cup?  Are you stuck on discussion time?

I am thankful for discussion time. However, as much as we discuss what it should be, how it was, remember when, and only if….I’m thankful for the foundation to move forward.

This month, I challenge you to be thankful for what was and find a friend to help you move to what will be.  Even when we do not like the decisions that impact our lives, sometimes it is the ones we do not like that propel us forward.

Is there a decision you can be thankful for in your current season?

This season is like the red cup from Starbucks…

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Change is hard.  Just look at the social media buzz over last year’s change in the Starbucks cups.  I love my red cup season.  There is something about pulling up and seeing the red cup over the everyday white.  It just emotes a feeling of excitement for the holiday season.

Change is hard.  Just look at the social media buzz over last year’s change in the Starbucks cups.  I love my red cup season.

I get that not everyone feels that way.  Evidence in last year’s “red cup controversy”.  No matter what side you take regarding the feeling of the red cup — it is opinion.

Change certainly brings out many opinions.

Moving is no different.

I have heard many times, “moving defines who your friends are”.  While I do not really support that opinion, the intention of the phrase is a good one.  Change brings the support of relationships you have intentionally cultivated.  After all, moving takes so much work!

So why have I focused on my moving – or lack of moving saga this week?

The moving saga has been a long one for our family.  It started with a year of listing but no offers, then selling twice in a period of two weeks. (That is a separate post altogether!) This sale landed us in our current dwelling – a temporary apartment.

It is simply an example of how when we are presented with change that does not go by our plan, it is our choice how we “move” in that season.

Our focus without the distraction of stuff allows us to focus on some difficulties in the lives of those that are important to us.  Families that need our time, energy, and a business that needs to grow so we can continue to help others.

However, change is still hard.  Opinions make it more difficult.  The filter we choose to engage in our daily routines can help to drown out the “noise” of change.  We may not really love going back to apartment life, but it has reminded us of many things we are grateful for in the process.

One day we will be in a house. The apartment a distant memory.  The crowded “cozy” apartment will be replaced by long hallways and multiple levels.  I will miss the coziness.  The parking fiasco that comes with life in an apartment complex- I will not miss.

We are fortunate that our circumstances allow us to buy a house. The understanding of blessing does not escape us in any way.  The challenge comes when we are faced with a circumstance that is not how we visualized or planned. The right choice is not always the most comfortable one.

Thankfulness comes in many forms.  “Being real” about our circumstance, does not excuse us from choices we need to make to embrace the season.  Our emotions do not always follow our choices right away.  That is okay.

It is making the choice that matters.  In this season of moving, I am thankful for the many relationships that encourage, equip, and love us here in this place.

I challenge you to consider the following this week:

  1. Are you avoiding a decision because it will be uncomfortable, new, or the outcome is not guaranteed?
  2. What can you do to reflect thankfulness and blessing in your current situation?
  3. Who can you reach out to today to encourage them in a season of “moving”?

 

Share your responses on Facebook, Instagram or Twitter!

30 Days of Thankful

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Over the next 30 days we will talk about being thankful.  Not in the way a Hallmark card or Pinterest-world can make us feel like we should have it wrapped neatly in a bow.

Why are we thankful?

What should we give thanks for in spite of the varying degree of the suck-factor of circumstances that surround our daily lives?

Why indeed?

For those in a good place, GREAT! Your friends need your tangible actions of thankless deeds, words, and a small gesture.  We celebrate and are thankful for the times in which abundance and life like that first slow-moving, easy breath of spring.

Seasons can also bring us times when we are judged for our opinions, choices, facts-beyond-our-control, and so many other random variables.  So why not give thanks for those tangible things that get us to the other side. Even if we don’t recognize it until we are there.  Someone recently said to me, “the problem with the grass being greener on the other side, is that you are on the other side. “

It is all about perspective.  Thankfulness can be about taking one moment over the next to breathe.  Or feeling less sad than yesterday.  For the mom in post-partum, it could be thankful today to take a shower and have a great cry with a friend.   For the friend that has yet to conceive – a quiet cup of coffee with no answer to the “why”.

We can be thankful for these moments without diminishing the difficulty of the season.  There are women out there screaming inside and to you I say, “I see you. “, “I hear you”.  The act choosing to be thankful in a moment does not ease the journey, but it can bring perspective along the way.

I choose to be thankful for the stories of YOU. Of your lives.  They are your stories. They matter.   We can have opinions on politics, religion, process, and who should do what and when.  Thankfulness is in the story of our lives – good and bad.  Thankfulness is not an opinion. It is an act regardless of feeling.

I am thankful for the diversity of my friends.  Not one is like the other – that is why I am thankful.  We live our lives due to different choices, past upbringing, marriages, children, and yes spiritual beliefs.  Yet in spite of it all, I love them dearly.  It is the differences that make me thankful.

So for the next 30 days I will share stories of my life from circumstances that vary in the suck-factor.  Some are resolved. Some are not.  In the moment that I FEEL like saying, “I’m done. I’m tired. I can’t”, that is the moment that I choose to find ONE THING.

The ask to you in these next 30 days is to follow along….choose one tangible thing today.

Then subscribe and share your story.   You will get a different encouragement each week.

Please let us know if we can share your story.

 

Embrace the Crazy

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This project has been in the making for a while.  When I think of blogging, I really get bored of myself!  How much do I really have to say?  (My husband and friends should be silent on this one)


In life I am a gatherer of people.  Who needs to be an expert of all things? I enjoy running my race where I excel and can be challenged to go to the next level.  Let’s bring in others for the areas that I can improve the least.  For example, I can pick up and clean my house. However,  someone with the ability to come in decorate, organize, and visualize a plan for every room should be embraced and well paid! That is not my lane.

I’m ok with that!

Along the road I have found my misfit group of friends to be my lifeline in many areas of my life. And so, like many other things, I’m dragging them along for the ride!  You will find stories of marriage, parenting, being a woman, career, and medical events that will inspire and challenge you.  These ladies will be asked to share how they truly embrace the Crazy in everyday life. Anyone that walks along me knows that ready-or-not here life comes!

With all its unpredictable beautiful messes, come amazing friends to do life. Because we embrace and move forward – we live.  Don’t misunderstand, we get knocked down, we don’t agree with our bosses, and find ourselves on life courses we did not expect.  However we ALL have choices. Even in the uncontrolled chaos it is our CHOICE.

Along the way I have found that I operate with 3 general guidelines.  It is how we operate at Embrace the Crazy

1. Assumptions

We believe that most offense come from the unspoken thoughts in our heads. Assuming what others intentions, thoughts, and actions could mean can be the first end to any relationship. We challenge you to instead ASK questions. We all interpret based on our life filters.

2. Comparisons

We believe we are imperfect humans. Striving daily to make one more right decision for ourselves, our families, our lives can move us on further on the path to our goals. Our goal is not stopped by OTHERS success. There is plenty to celebrate about each other. We embrace the crazy differences.

3. Judgement

Unless you are an actual judge, give grace. Asking questions and encouraging words go further than casting judgment on others. There is only room for love and grace.

And so we begin our journey.  I invite you to join us. Share with your girlfriends. Everyone has a story to share. If it is your time, share it with us as a guest blogger.

Today is another opportunity to Embrace The Crazy!

With Candy Comes Crazy and I Am Thankful!

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Moving, going back to work, depression, and house-hunting – I would say individually each of those things were enough of a stress on a marriage.  Those are just a few things we will dive into this month as we look at why we are thankful and what thankfulness means in your current circumstances.

With Candy Comes Crazy and I Am Thankful

A few nights ago, I was reminded by the sweet atmosphere of company, kids, and lots of candy – how thankful I am for the house we live in currently.

Halloween for some is a non-starter.  For me growing up in the mid-west, it was a big deal!  My friend Lora and I would plan our costumes (always ones that went together, like a pair of dice or mimes) a month in advance.  Swarms of kids flooded the streets of our neighborhood like bees to a hive.  The street lights were pale reflections against the large mobs that populated our suburban “hive”.  I loved every moment.

About five years ago, we decided to reach out to our fellow neighbors to provide a warm and dry haven in the midst of the downpour of a typical rainy Seattle Halloween.  We hoisted a canopy, set up a folding table and chairs, fired up the hot apple cider and coffee….oh and put out mounds of candy.  Our neighborhood is small and contained.  It is safe.  We know our neighbors, even if it just this one time a year we see them.   Families truck in their kids from other communities to walk our safety net of street.

So in the midst of a week where I was mourning the fact we took our house off the market, you know the market in which everyone around us is selling their house in seconds, I decided we would keep Halloween.  The texts were sent.  Families were coming.  I would make the annual chili dinner and we would trick or treat.

Then that night as we stood under the canopy for another rainy Halloween… I saw the faces of families that have been coming for years and some new fresh ones this year.  I saw a young one take his first steps in my kitchen.  I saw community.

I am thankful.

In spite of the mound of boxes in the garage, boots that cannot be found, and scrounging for bowls to put the candy, we had that moment.  Next year our house should be sold.  We will be moving on.  This moment  of crazy…of uncertainty….of  unsettled frustration, pales in comparison.  And I was reminded why we fell in love with this house in the beginning.  This house is the gathering place.  For this season, it is perfect. For this moment it is enough.   For this moment, I will remember that we are very, very thankful to have these friends to gather in this place.

In the midst of the crazy, I am thankful.