This past week my son and I helped a friend move her daughter into her dorm at college. There I was stuck in the middle of living in the present, releasing the past, and planning for the future. My son has a few more years of high school but it really has made the clock seem to move forward at warp speed. I remember feeling a similar feeling when he first started Kindergarten. It’s too much, too fast. I will not let go.
But time does move forward. Even if it feels like a jump to warp speed from a sci-fi movie, it is just life. Just life. Does not really help how we feel stuck in the middle of the circumstance does it? I am proud of my kids. They do well. They make mistakes, they misbehave, and generally are becoming productive members of society. So why do I want it all to slow down?
I do not really want it to slow down. There was a moment that I could see spending the last few years of his high school career sad at everything. Oh do not mistake..there will be tears. There will be the “happy-sad” tears of firsts, lasts, and what just happened moments. It is just life. I want to celebrate and recognize the moments for what they are – brilliant.
How do we do life in the moments that make us feel stuck? Maybe it is a challenge in your marriage, dating relationship, infertility, parenting struggle, work strife? They are all really moments. Seasons where the quicksand seems to have replaced your ability to move forward. Where every step seems more labored than the last. What do you do? Do you rally your tribe?
There is a reason I wrote a post on showing fierce love to your tribe. Your people are important to help in the stuck moments. It is the key to prevent the “stuck” moments from being black hole seasons. There is so much push to only show the “happy” Pinterest moments. Being stuck is not a default or a character flaw. It is LIFE. We all have moments. Sharing your story is what we are all about here. The more we share the more we know we are not alone. Not in the way that we “one-up” each others pain or challenges. Simply sharing to let others know we understand. When we can move to listening – really listening, we can stop focusing on fixing.
My son will graduate from high school in a few years. He will follow his own path and make his way into the world. There will be moments that he may feel stuck. I may not be able to fix all those moments. Is that so bad? Really?
Our stuck moments can refine us. They can teach us. Letting your future be a compilation of your stuck moments make us more compassionate to those on the path behind. Stuck moments do not have to define you. The moment of feeling like an unworthy friend, parent, spouse is a feeling. It is not who you are – or what you are. We can suck in those stuck moments as humans. Apologize. Move on.
I know the things that can cause me to feel stuck. I am aware. Sometimes that helps, sometimes it hurts. Looking to others in my tribe to get me beyond myself is so appreciated. If someone feels stuck, I can bring them a meal, invite them for a run/walk, invite them for coffee. I do not need to talk about their shoulda, woulda, coulda, moments.
How can we change the world? One act of compassion at a time. Invite others into your sphere. People are perfectly imperfect. It is not our job to fix…a good cup of coffee and an open ear can go a long way.
What makes you feel stuck? How did you pull out of that moment? What can you do differently next time?
Let’s start the conversation. Because it has to start somewhere. We need to acknowledge the hard stuff . You can do it – and yes it IS HARD!
What can you add to the conversation #stuckinthemidde?