This past weekend I had the opportunity to spend some great “girl time” with a long-time friend. She is the kind of friend you can pick up and run with and not skip a beat…even after months of not seeing each other. I love her encouraging texts, thoughtful notes and voicemails in spite of our lives spinning a hundred miles an hour in different directions.
She is the polar opposite of me in life, politics, and background. And yet we find encouragement and inspiration in our friendship. I heard her telling another woman this weekend that we are each other’s person. It is true. There is so much different. Yet, it is as if there is no difference. Why? Because there is only love.
I heard it said once that we judge others by their actions and ourselves by our own intentions. If we did not intend to be rude then those around us should know our hearts. Know we are just having a bad day. Know that we are not meaning to be rude. However, what if someone else says something, does something, or even worse — does not say something? Then we label them mean or we are offended by their actions.
In friendship, true relationship, we are given many opportunities to be offended. We are human. We mess up. We have bad days. And basically some days we suck as friends.We can be so fierce in the difficult times. The stressful times can cause us to abandon love or at least how we show it.
What if we intentionally choose fierce love daily? What would that do?
What if we make a choice that has nothing to do with our own circumstance, our own opinions, our own feelings?
Here are three ways to fiercely love those in your sphere.
- Speak love. Share your story.
I know that there are times when we cannot move our own situation no matter how hard we try. We are stuck in a situation beyond our control or just in a season that is overwhelming. Choosing to look outside ourselves can shift our outlook, change our perspective, and often help us find a solution we never could come to on our own device. My polar opposite friend is so good at helping look at a different perspective. She is a single mom. I have been married for over 15 years. She is a huge supporter and uplifts my husband — even when he makes me crazy. It is a helpful perspective.
Do you embrace a perspective from your polar opposite or discount it? - Seek the heart. Don’t judge the action.
We all find ourselves living those moments that do not represent who we really are at the core. The harsh word, the eye-roll, the condemning action. If we want others to judge us by our intentions not our actions we must choose to seek the heart of those around us.
A few months ago, I was at the gas station and I received some hard news via text. I did not want to react because my kids were in the car. It was not a car-kind-of-conversation. So I sat for a minute. Apparently, a minute too long for the gentlemen behind me. He had gotten out of his car and banged on my trunk to get me to finish my gas purchase. I wanted to get out and share my opinion. I wanted him to feel as bad as I did at the moment. And then I thought, “What if he just received bad news and is trying to get home to the situation”. How do we know the other person’s circumstance? We choose to understand that most of the time others are too focused on their own journey to really be engaged in ours. So no, I don’t think he should have banged on my trunk. But I got out and smiled and yelled, “So sorry!”. I really meant it. Maybe his day was full of bad news too. Maybe he just needed someone to pass the smile on. Some days we just need someone to acknowledge that they really see us. Our heart – not our actions. - Love is showing up. You cannot fix everything.
It is hard to watch someone going through a hard season. When I was at my most difficult time, it was even difficult to think about what I needed. The most love I felt was from those who just showed up. Someone who came in my mess. Just sitting with a cup of coffee to talk, watch a movie, or tell me a funny story. No ten point plan to fix my life or judgement on how or why things are the way they were. Just pure relationship of “showing up”. It matters.
Showing up matters more than the ability to fix it. There are times when I need advice and a ten point plan from my people. But knowing when the time is just to show up and let me shower while you hold my sick kid. Or do my dishes just because, not to judge my lack of multi-tasking. Love is an action word. It is a non-judgement, non-fixing, all-encompassing, I show up to be in your space just because kind of action.
It matters.
Fierce love can come with fierce failure. I have not always done it well. Sometimes we do not show up because it is hard. Sometimes assuming others will do it better prevent us from loving well.
Sometimes. What Ifs. When life gets better. When they ask.
Fierce love comes when we choose to put those behind and find the beauty in the differences. My cornucopia of people is beautiful. Not one is like the other — more importantly not one is just like me. It is not a source of competition or jealousy. They love me fiercely. They make me better.
Thank you, what a beautiful message. This really reminded me of three things that I am trying to live out more-Let love be the loudest voice, Go first, and be gutsy. I love the act of just showing up with no 10 step plan needed, but for just someone to be there.
I love this! A member of my tribe recently went through a rough patch and we all rallied behind her. We all showed up, even though we couldn’t fix it.
Love is so much about showing up! That’s really all we need sometimes!
This are all great ways to live and show love to the people around you. Its refreshing to hear that people with differences can be such great friends and help encourage each other!
I love it! Fierce love, show up! This is a wonderful message. Thanks for sharing your heart and experience here. I will look forward to reading your future posts!
This is so beautiful, it brought tears to my eyes. What a wonderful message. Your third point about just showing up – YES!!! I have been the recipient of this kind of love, and there is nothing more meaningful in a time of need. Love your post!! ❤️
You have to believe that that person is coming from a good place with no bad intent. If you do, it makes disagreements so much easier to resolve.
This is such a great post and a reminder that we need to share and pass the love more often.
xo Sheree
This is such a great message. I’ve always had a lot of friends in my life and I think this is so important. I think a lot of people these days are so quick to write someone off or judge them but you’ll never have good people in your life if you can’t let certain things go and embrace others.
The only way to show support is by showing up. If you aren’t there, you can’t really help physically or emotionally. Thanks for sharing this.
– http://www.allshethings.com
I love this, Rebecca! I love the idea of fierce love, because it embodies not only protection for those we love, but also support. There have been, unfortunately, many times in my life, where I have judged others harshly, but when I take the time to understand them and learn their life stories, I learn to love them better.
This is all so important! I agree with having a friend that you can feel free to talk about your marriage but you know it is protected. Honesty and openness is the budding block to true friendship.
I love – seek the heart, not the action. I was just telling my husband how people always beep at me when I slow down and carefully turn into my very narrow driveway. I live off a major road in a city that gets totally backed up during rush hour. I never thought there could be something difficult or pressing going on with the other person. I’ve just judged them as impatient. I’ll try to be more compassionate next time.
So much truth to this post. I choose to surround myself with people who make me better and want to surround themselves with me. I try to not judge, to forgive and be kind for everyone is fighting a battle of some sort. Thank you for sharing this. I wish more people had this mindset.
Thank you! So very important we can do our best to love without judgement! Thanks for reading!
This was such a great blog post. And so spot on! Thank you for this!
Thanks! So glad you liked it!
Your mode of telling all in this paragraph is truly
pleasant, every one be able to simply be aware of it, Thanks a lot.
Howdy! This post couldn’t be written any better!
Reading through this post reminds me of my previous room mate!
He always kept chatting about this. I will forward this post to him.
Pretty sure he will have a good read. Thanks for sharing!
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Thank You Rebecca!. I’ve been learning through the aspects of walking through trauma experienced in my life over my life & healing of same. Learning it’s okay to make mistakes, about making mistakes, & not assigning motives or intentions. Some of the hardest things are bringing the greatest revelation. I’m changing so much right now. This so encouraged me to keep going today. So thankful for friends.