A little over a year ago, we sent most of our belongings off to storage and moved the basics into a small “temporary” apartment. Each of us had definite “expectations” of what temporary would mean. I did not even pack clothes for a change of season. I had EXPECTATIONS!
As months grew into a year, our patience to find the right place and not settle on a house was growing thin. We each took turns encouraging each other to stand strong. We wait for the house that is meant for us…not the one we just buy because we are tired. We have expectations.
Have you ever had a goal you expected to turn out one way – only to discover the path is completely different than you imagined?
Goals are very different than expectations. I find that often expectations are put on us by others – family, community, co-workers, friends. Goals we set for our own walk.
Have you ever confused an expectation someone placed on you for a goal? It can create the greatest detour in our marriage, parenting, career, and personal growth. Can you identify one expectation you need to discard? Has it created a detour? Has it slowed you down?
The next few weeks we will look at what expectations in marriage, parenting, and personal growth can create the greatest detours. We can recover. We can get back on track.
This week we are finalizing the details in the purchase of our new home! The wait is over. There are certain things I had not even considered would be in our new home. There are sweet surprises. Check back on Facebook for a live broadcast from our new front porch!
Even in this new season, there are great benefits to our current living quarters I will miss. Probably only me – but that is ok! In a tiny apartment, there is no place to hide. A great asset in having a teenager!
As we look at expectations in marriage, parenting and personal growth what expectation can you identify as the greatest cause to a detour? How can we help you get back on track?
We will break down the following three areas this next week as it applies to marriage, parenting, and self care.
1. Reality TV is not really the Real World. Are you guilty of getting caught in the comparison trap? If only your spouse, children, your life was like…….. it would be better. If only leads to expectations that are not reality.
2. Past problems do not excuse present troubles. If you have “stuff” to work out – do it. Find a trained counselor . Your past may be difficult . Some stuff is much harder to overcome than others. Find a trained coach and counselor to help you navigate out of the expectation trap. Goals for personal care are not selfish. Those that expect you to put on a happy face and “suck it up” are not helping you. In this time of high suicide, it is time to speak up! Your story matters! You matter! Get help and get healthy! We need you!
3. There are no quotas for success. Your spouse, your friend, your neighbor’s success does not negate your own. You do you. It matters. Find your own race and run it. Dropping expectations of others are a key part of learning to run your own race. Moving away from my friends and family to the other side of the country was hard. It was my path. It afforded a future I could have never written in my wildest dreams. However I had only expectations to do my best, live my best life – those expectations give us the freedom to pursue goals that make a difference. Change the dialogue. Expect the best!
What do you expect from yourself that no one else does? What freedom can you find in releasing the false expectations to pursue your goals?
There are seasons in life that bring different goals and expectations on our lives. Give yourself permission to be you in the season. A mom with little’s has a much different path than one getting ready to laugh her kids into the world. They are both hard and good and beautiful. Do not let the season define you. It is just a season.
Expect the best. Share the story.
For me I expect things to come out perfect when it comes to everything that I do and if it doesn’t I am hard on myself. Other may not be so harsh or think its a big deal.
Thank you so much for writing this. I could relate so much as I got into the lowest part of my career some time around last year, I thought I would have everything in place and whatnot, but then it wasn’t. There were some obstacles to the point I couldn’t handle it anymore. Fast forward to today, things got pleasantly better than last year, the work and life balance that once looked like a luxury, I have them now. 🙂
I LOVE #2! So true that we should use anything from the past as an excuse for our present behavior/mindset. This is such an awesome message and should be taught to all young people today! We all need to remember that our individual stories are important, but not excuses.
This is definitely a post that I needed to read this week! It’s hard not to get caught in the comparison trap and it’s something I’m trying to work on everyday.